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Meta-Hamster

Taking allegorical form for 100% of its conscious existence, the Meta-Hamster, or Meta-Ham, according to those who have the ability to perceive it, is a conceptual form of hamster that can only be perceived “as it ‘really’ is” if you have earned an MFA (or, increasingly, a PhD) in English, Creative Writing, or “Comp Lit.” Those without advanced degrees see only a nondescript hamster of normal height/weight, or what is known as the Common American Hamster. Those with advanced degrees in literature-related subjects, however, see—in addition to the Common American Hamster (though in recent years some claim to be unable to see the Common American Hamster but only the message it conveys)—“the fall of Western Civilization,” “the deterioration of a marriage,” “the loss of a child via abortion,” “[something about the bourgeoisie],” or, sometimes, “technology’s crippling effect on the youth of [the word ‘today,’ a country, or a generation],” depending on their context/goal in life at the moment of viewing. Many have argued that the Meta-Hamster is “not really meta” or “not at all meta” in the way that most things referred to as “ironic” are “not really ironic,” but usually simply “coincidental” or even “normal, not even coincidental,” but these arguments have only served to strengthen the Meta-Hamster’s brand, because to argue against its name seems, for the majority of people involved in the perpetuation of the Meta-Hamster (however ironic or sarcastic they are in their claims of this), to only “prove” that the Meta-Hamster is meta, perhaps more meta than anyone yet realizes, even, as most people who see it have, at most, only one doctorate degree.

- from “North American Hamsters,” a forthcoming iPhone app by Tao Lin

I didn’t even see a fucking hamster.

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